If I said that I had no problems with heterosexuals, except that it offends me to see them holding hands, or bringing their wives to dinner parties, or having consensual sex in private, no one would think I was "inclusive." They'd think I was out of my mind. Why? Because we accept that being straight is simply being human. Who would deny a human being such obvious comforts and needs as the love for one another, supremely symbolized in the act of marriage? But that is precisely what so many would deny gays. It may not be because they are consciously bigoted, although that's certainly how it sometimes seems and feels. It's simply because they do not understand the phenomenon they are talking about. They don't see how deep it goes, how equivalent it really is to heterosexuality. Which means that our work as gay people and as the friends and families of gay people really is cut out for us. The arguments for gay equality make complete sense, once you have acknowledged the essential humanness of being gay. And the only way we will convince others of that is by talking to them, explaining to them, opening up to them, and showing them the depth of our conviction and the dignity of our love. This is hard, certainly harder than demonizing them for bigotry or retreating into an insecure ghetto or forgetting about it all and going to the next cocktail party. But it is something we have to do, if we actually want change.